I write this with my head low. Not because I am quitting…because I am not. But because lately this past week I have been so down and so discouraged with the thought that I may not finish. Since Jason and I have been training, for about 2 months now (IS THAT IT?!?!) it usually goes pretty well. There have been a couple of times that I don’t feel “great” after a long run, but that is only expected. However, our past few long runs have been causing quite the problem with me and my body. After we run, I seem to get sick. Not just soreness and I just ran type of sick, but a sickness that keeps me in bed with cold sweats and…well checking in and out of the potty room sickness. It went to the extent a couple of times where I could not even go into work the next day.
After a lot of thought, and discussion with Jason there were a couple of options that we had. Besides the obvious of going to the Dr. and get everything checked out (which I am in November) we thought of slowing my training down a bit. We also thought of me only doing the half marathon. That was actually the first thought that came to me. But when I really started to think about it, about working so hard for so long…several days a week for 21 weeks, the thought of NOT finishing the full marathon made me sick itself. I know that I should not feel that way, but I feel like I would let not only myself down, but Denver and everyone else that donated. I also know that people are donating because they love us. They love our family and they love Denver and not because they want to see me harm myself trying to run 26.2 miles.
I am still in limbo. I want to cry because I know that my body right now will not allow me to run 26.2 miles. I would either collapse mid-way (or less) or have a finish time of 12 hours or more. Also the thought of not doing this with Jason makes me anxious. The thought of running the half all by myself makes me worry that without his encouragement and running by my side I might have trouble finishing.
As of right now, after talking with the team coach, family, friends (thanks for the advice Liz), Jason…and doing some reading of other “marathoners” blogs I think I will run/walk the full marathon. I will run as far as I can with Jason. Hopefully that will at least get me to the half way point. Then go at my own pace whether it be walking, running, jogging or…crawling.
I’ve said this before but I have never had so much determination for something in my life and I WILL finish this race.
I’m sure that people have these feeling all the time when training for a marathon, especially their first….especially if they are like me and have not be a “runner” a day in their life. I will keep going, I will try my hardest to do this keeping my health first and I will finish. I have faith that with support from friends and family…with Denver’s sweet smile lighting me up and with strength, encouragement, the will to keep going from God; I will finish this race.